By Barbara Vokatis
Difficult Beginnings
When my child was diagnosed with autism over 10 years ago, this was a difficult diagnosis for me to accept. Finding out that my Kalina is autistic certainly was not what I envisioned for our child and family. This diagnosis did not match my ideas about how my child would be growing up and developing. I also decided to share this diagnosis only in the close circle of family. I was simply afraid of being judged as a parent and did not want anyone to judge my child based on the autism label. As a parent, I thought I needed to protect Kalina and myself and thought this was the best way to do it at that time. But with time, equipped with a growing understanding of Kalina’s autism and experiences with working with teachers and administrators, my perspective on Kalina’s autism began to change in ways I never imagined.
Ups and Downs in the Educational System
Every parent of an autistic child has to gain a special layer of patience and some negotiation skills to try to get what the child needs to succeed in the educational system and beyond. This effort can often feel like a tough and lonely battle. Resources in schools can be scarce, so such children usually will not be able to receive what they truly need. However, we were very lucky to have several amazing teachers who embraced Kalina’s individuality and unique interests while connecting with them. This helped Kalina tremendously in reading and writing. Such teachers can truly make a difference for autistic children. My child’s achievement was high in subjects that were taught in interesting ways.
But I also had to face situations when teachers were not as open to changing their ways of teaching in response to my child’s needs. They didn’t understand and were not willing to learn that autistic children do not learn through punishment. Receiving bad grades for something an autistic child does not understand and simply cannot do does not make the child put more effort next time, but the opposite happens. They get frustrated, shut down, and stop learning. That is why it is so important to teach these children in ways that they can respond to and learn from.
I also struggled with helping Kalina with social situations in school. As Kalina wanted to make friends but had a personality that wasn’t always understood by peers, I noticed that the tendency in school was to ask my child to behave in the way mainstream children did. However, the fact that autistic children’s certain behaviors are sometimes an integral part of their way of being that these children cannot instantly eliminate was completely ignored. Therefore, if we truly want to include autistic children in classroom communities, we must embrace their unique ways of being.
Key Learning Gains
As I was gaining many experiences as a parent of an autistic child, certain things started to occur to me. I began to notice that through these experiences I was gaining more knowledge about autism, the needs of autistic children, and their inspiring uniqueness. The way my child learned helped me promote better teaching strategies among my undergraduate and graduate students. I also noticed more and more incredible aspects of my child’s personality. I’ve noticed that Kalina started developing impressive artistic skills and meticulous interest in music from all kinds of genres and decades and displayed remarkable empathy for everybody who was going through a difficult time in their life. I started to see that my child is an incredible person who can contribute to society in ways that many mainstream, non-autistic people, might never be able to do. As a result of all these discoveries and realizations, I started talking openly and publicly about these experiences.
During Kalina’s upper elementary grades, I also brought my therapy dog to the classroom to see if therapy animals can have a good impact on how autistic children function in the school system. This experience led me to a closer collaboration with a teacher and innovation in the way we included my dog to boost children’s skills in writing and math. As Lucinda and I engaged in our unique collaboration, we realized that including therapy animals in innovative ways can help all children with learning disabilities and difficulties.
Finally, my experiences with handling my child’s social school situations led me to write a children’s book, Carmel Goes to School, in which my therapy dog teaches mainstream children how to see brilliance in children who do not behave in conventional ways, but have a lot to offer to others if other children are sensitive to see the value of this uniqueness.
We do not always see many incredible sides of dramatic experiences that happen in our lives. But sometimes these experiences create awareness, attention, and knowledge that we would never be able to gain without them. My experience with raising an autistic child helped me understand neurodiversity much better, substantially enhance my educational expertise, and advocate for better education for neurodivergent children who deserve better.
